Back to work

Back to work...I leave the little guy home every day with his Dad, but I find myself choked up on the ride there. I still can't believe it. I think about all those procedures, the bleeding, wondering, waiting, hoping..and here he is. Big and strong.
I'm constantly reminded of Hannah in 1 Samuel. How she waited, prayed, cried..year after year for God to hear her prayer for a child. And like Sarah, Rachel, Elizabeth, and all the other women in the bible, he was faithful and gave her a child. That's who he is. Rowan is perfect evidence to me that God is faithful. It might not be in my time, but he's always faithful.

And he talks...

Every day is a miracle. I look at him, literally almost 24/7 and I am completely amazed that God is able to create life like that. In 9 months, in his perfect timing, a human being is fully created to enter the world, seeing, smelling, hearing, breathing. I am constantly amazed at God's power. Every day is new to Rowan. Every day is something to wake up and smile about. It reminds me of God's perfect grace and mercy, something that we so easily forget when we're in the fog.

He's Here!!

After 4 IVF attempts, here he is, our miracle. How amazing after all these years that we have a son. My joy is inexpressable. I spend the whole day staring at him, watching him grow. His first smile we were able to catch with a picture, he laughs, he loves the bath, likes breastmilk :), doesn't like the dark, loves folk/accoustic music, loves being outside under the tree when it's breezy, he's lazy and sleepy, and the most beautiful miracle I've ever laid eyes on. I give all the glory to God, all the prayers, all the waiting...he is good and faithful. I would go back and do it all again, the same way. The grieving of the first three that didn't work..absolutely. It was through those losses that I learned patience, and through those that I was forced to see that God's plan was greater and wiser than mine.

The Journey Begins

So, early this morning I thought my water broke. I woke up in a puddle of whatever, and went to the bathroom with it running down both my legs. Turns out that the closer you get to delivery, your discharge changes and becomes watery. I wasn't the least bit nervous..just excited at the thought I would soon see my son. He moves so much lately, powerful kicks that take my breath away. And it's reassuring that he's in there, thriving, moving, living, breathing. What a miracle it is, life. I have a hard time understanding how anyone can possibly think that the creation of life is not a miracle. It's amazing, that in 9 months a woman's body is able to nourish and sustain a life until it's ready to come out and take a breath. I also got my first "reduced" paycheck since I've been on maternity leave. Man is it going to be tight. But, I decided very quickly that I won't allow money to steal my joy. I'd rather be pinching pennies than not be able to experience this miracle. Who cares about money? It's not like it's brought me any joy, only stuff.

This Miracle

When my husband and I first started on theIVF journey I was always looking for people who had a similar story. It wasn't until recently that I realized that none of us share the same story. We have versions that relate, but it's the emotions that we can't convey that separate all of us. That's what I was looking for, someone who felt the same way I did. I'll write about it now in hopes that someone can find some peace, can find Christ here, in this miracle.